Lost, Season 4, Episode 4, “Eggtown”

One of the most basic metaphors of the show is the idea of the island as a tabula rasa or blank slate. That means for most of the characters, being stranded on the island is a chance to put the sins of their past behind them and get a fresh start on life. But one exception to this rule is Kate. In her flashbacks we find that she is manipulative, impulsive, and brutally violent. And on the island she is exactly the same. In this episode alone she effortlessly fools Hurley into revealing the location of Miles’s prison and enters into a sort of Faustian bargain with Miles to learn whether the rescuers are planning to haul her back to prison. She then (unwittingly, at least) assists Miles in blackmailing Ben, and even finds time to – yet again – give poor Sawyer blueballs. I’m beginning to think Kate might actually be the worst villain on the island.

In the flash forwards, meanwhile, we see Kate looking sort of Jane Austen and on trial for her numerous past offenses. I couldn’t even keep track when the judge rattled them off – were all the ones we’ve seen in other flashbacks accounted for? Did he name crimes we haven’t seen? At any rate, a pre-beard Jack is dramatically called to the stand as a character witness. His testimony is fascinating: Jack states that only eight people survived the crash, Kate saved them and helped them to shore, where they almost starved to death. So for the first time we get a sense of what the general public has learned about the weird and tragic happenings on the island – absolutely nothing. What has led Jack and the other survivors to create this fiction, and preventing anyone from trying to rescue the other Losties? How does that fit in with Hurley’s and Sayid’s flash forwards? And why, as we learn at the end of the episode, is Kate raising Claire’s baby, who Jack is so afraid to go visit?

While we’re absorbed with these questions, we almost miss the fact that we’re watching the most asinine courtroom scene ever on television. I was actually encouraged, at first, to see the trial set in a realistic looking courtroom with hung ceilings, putty-grey walls, and fluorescent lights. But around the time the judge said “I’ll allow it” in response to a question, I realized that the trial was ludicrous. Are we really supposed to believe that out of all the crimes Kate committed, including arson, murder, and armed robbery, the best witness the prosecution could dig up is Kate’s mother? (And doesn’t mom’s testimony – that Kate confessed the crimes to her – count as hearsay?) After a melodramatic mother-daughter confrontation, Kate’s mom conveniently has too much cancer to testify, and Kate gets off with probation or something. Of course, we knew that already since we already saw an even more future Kate where she was at least free enough to meet Jack by an airport runway. For all the imaginative surprises the Lost writers can serve up, they sure do drop the ball on basic television plot devices.

Dexter, Season 1, Episode 1, “Dexter”

Dexter is the first show, as far as I know, that has been syndicated to prime-time network television during its continuing run on premium cable. (Sex and the City, the Sopranos and The Wire have also been syndicated, but to basic cable channels like TBS.) The drama about a forensic scientist-slash-serial killer who murders other serial killers premiered on Showtime back in 2006. But due to a dearth of new programming – thanks to the late writers’ strike – CBS decided to broadcast the entire first season of Dexter beginning last Sunday. The actors had already been overdubbing their lines with sanitized dialogue in expectation that they would one day be syndicated, and the show’s producer said there was actually very little in terms of violence to cut. But that didn’t stop the Parents Television Council from issuing a knee-jerk condemnation of the show’s network debut.

If you haven’t heard of them, the Parents Television Council is, in short, the enemy. This is the organization that sponsors letter-writing drives to the FCC or advertiser boycotts when, say, someone blurts out a four-letter word during a morning show, or flashes a bit of hiney on a police procedural. They are part of the engine driving the culture of outrage and apology that pretends to shield the supposedly eggshell-like psyches of American children. But how many young children, really, are watching CBS at 10 p.m. on a Sunday? Blocking a show like Dexter wouldn’t help kids – instead, it prevents educated, informed viewers like you and me from watching a potentially enlightening and fascinating series. In reality, these morality campaigns are less about kids and more about forcing a specific viewpoint and infantilizing adults.

Lost, Season 4, Episode 3, "The Economist"

The opening golf course scene totally made up for the fact that, as I watched it, I was sitting at home alone on Valentine's Day. Who needs a date when you have Lost, the ultimate lonely nerd salve? In fact, the show has many of the traits of an actual significant other. Sometimes it’s funny, sexy and exciting; other times it’s cloyingly emotional, mean spirited and just plain incomprehensible. And like a real relationship, Lost can occasionally draw things out for far too long.

Lost, Season 4, Episode 2: "Confirmed Dead"

Lost is probably the one show to date that has most successfully integrated with the web. In fact, having any inkling about what the hell is up with that island practically depends on participating in a devoted community with infinite time and infinite resources at their disposal to connect all the dots. Have you ever nosed through Lostpedia? Just look at how often the numbers come up – I bet you had only ever spotted an eighth of those.

Speaking of which, would you like to know the meaning of those mysterious numbers? It’s right here on YouTube. Honestly. The video is canon, and was produced by ABC. Of course, in order to see it, you had to assemble a bunch of fragments though an “alternate reality game.” (What? You mean you didn’t go straight to sublymonal.com right after watching that Sprite commercial?) This essential piece of the Lost puzzle has never been shown on air and may never find its way onto a regular broadcast. But there it is, on YouTube of all places. [Don’t you see? By linking to all these we are actually becoming part of the viral marketing campaign, thereby perpetuating the cycle of...fuck it, nevermind. I want a Sprite. –eds]

“Terminator: the Sarah Connor Chronicles” has a long name. I’m trying to remember if there’s ever been a good show with a colon in the title. I’m coming up with nothing. Maybe there’s a reason for that...

Lost, Season 4, Episode 1, "The Beginning of the End"

I was ready to like it.