Lost, Season 4, Episode 5, "The Constant"

Ah, time travel. How I do love you. You have been the basis for some of the greatest sci-fi movies of all time (Back to the Future, T2) and some of the worst (every other movie about time travel). But no matter what movie you’re in, you render the plot utterly illogical if not incompressible. Nowhere is this better illustrated than in that pinnacle of time travel movies, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, and its ambitious but flawed follow-up, Bogus Journey.

In the latter, the eponymous heroes, Bill S. Preston, Esq. and Ted “Theodore” Logan, do battle with their arch nemesis by remembering later to go back in time and put useful weapons (a sandbag, a person-sized cage) in convenient places. They simply make a mental note and, poof, they have exactly what they need. [Wasn’t that actually a trash can? I remember Keanu saying “a trash can, a trash can” in one scene. Maybe that was the first movie –ed.] (Yeah, one of the flaws of part 2 is that they reused the same jokes –s.)

I was reminded of that scene while watching episode five of Lost. Trapped on a freighter in the middle of the ocean, Desmond has only a few minutes to call his long lost girlfriend Penny before the phone’s batteries run out. The only problem is, he doesn’t know her number. Luckily, at that exact moment he is transported back in time, so he simply goes to her house in London and asks her.

Now, I’m not knocking the episode, because overall I enjoyed it. But as with all time travel plot devices, the more you think about it afterward, the less sense it makes. So perhaps it’s best just not to think about it. Instead we can focus on the good things about the episode, like Jeremy Davies, as Daniel Faraday, doing his best to channel Crispin Glover, or the utter lack of the Jack-Kate-Sawyer triangle.

I’ve heard a lot of people blow up about how emotional the Penny/Desmond phone call was. Grown men even admitted to getting a little teary. I’m as sappy as the next chick-lit reading, Meg Ryan movie-watching, pseudo metrosexual, but I gotta say; I don’t get it. I’m just not emotionally invested enough in either character to get all misty-eyed at their brief reunion.

Maybe it was the manipulative editing. Watch that scene again and note the rapid jump cuts towards the end. In fact, the whole episode employed some clever editing, particularly in the “flashback” segments. The one thing I do appreciate about the Desmond/time travel subplot is how it allows the writers to once again re-jigger the flashback motif. I’m fine with it, just so long as this time travel stuff doesn’t get out hand. Shit on the island doesn’t make much sense as it is. The last thing we need is a couple time paradoxes.

Will the time travel plot devolve into utter nonsense? Again, I’ll refer to Bill and Ted. Early in Bogus Journey, the evil arch nemesis has a showdown with the boys' futuristic mentor Rufus, played by the inimitable George Carlin. Rufus tells the villain that he’ll never get away with his nefarious plot to change history. “Time will tell,” replies the bad guy. To which Carlin quickly retorts, “No, time has told.”